Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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