College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
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