Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
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