I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
birth control should be required to get into college
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
That accounts for only three of the penises
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Randomize
