Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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