Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
