WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize