GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
