Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
