we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
