sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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