I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
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