Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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