he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Randomize
