My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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