I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Randomize
