I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
