it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
