I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
