My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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