my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
