Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
