So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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