oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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