just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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