omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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