I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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