he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
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Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
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He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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