how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
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I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
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We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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