You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
