Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
