toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
