Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
