does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
Randomize
