he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
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I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
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I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
where are my pants?
in the oven.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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