I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
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