Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
