i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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