The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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