I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
