i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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