He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
