dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
