just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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