So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
