I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Randomize
