Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Randomize
