Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Randomize
