I hope mine doesn't look like that
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
Randomize
