I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
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