hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
