Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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