I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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