Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Panties = found
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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