somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize