he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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