I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
